Why Middle-Aged Black Women Have 5 Years to Improve Their Lives
Destinations by Race, Age & Gender
Life after 40 for a man usually equates to the greatest security. More (White/Caucasian) men over that age stay employed longer and get paid more by their bosses compared to literally everyone else. If they wanted to, they could do almost everything they want, be it retire early or fly into space.
Black women, on the other hand, are pressured to sort their lives out in the five years before turning 40 because statistically, most Black women’s personal and professional trajectories are stagnated by then.
There are exceptional exceptions to this rule. A 20-year-old slave girl published a book of poetry that went viral globally. Beyonce released her first number-one album at 22 and became the most-awarded musician in history just in time for 40.
At the end and beginning of each year, people worldwide assess the progress they’ve made and adjustments needed to do better next time. At any moment pandemics, war, inflation, poor health, or ill-intentioned people can atomize those plans, barely leaving big enough pieces for someone to pick back up and start again. This is disproportionately true for Black women globally.
Here are three tips to consider when trying to get your life as close to where you want it to be despite these life interruptions.
“I call it the NotSorry Method. It has two steps: 1. Deciding what you don’t give a fuck about; 2. Not giving a fuck about those things.”
Step One: Care About Fewer Things
This advice pertains to things in one’s personal and professional lives. Authors like Sarah Knight advise that you should be very clear on what this looks like based on class, ethnicity, and geography. Using Step #2 can help guide one to determining what remains a priority and what to deprioritize.
“You may not realize it, but the number of fucks you personally have to give is a finite and precious commodity.”
Step Two: Choose ONE Some-Day Goal
Landing on a central, “North Star” goal can assist you with concentrating sufficient energy and resources to accomplishment. Questions to ask yourself when determining this goal include:
Do I want to be in a certain tax bracket?
Do I want to spark a social revolution?
Do I want 100% autonomy over when I wake up, and how I spend my day?
Am I okay with living in total isolation off the grid, or do I want to maximize my social network?
The belief is that with one, some-day goal, you’re focused. You have the destination, and all that’s left to figure out is the steps that take you there.
Whether this some-day goal is political, self-centered, or philanthropic, you should remember three things:
Who might conspiring against this goal?
What are you prepared to do to resist this opposition?
Per question #2, is that action worth your time and energy?
“An Irish goodbye is when you leave a party or gathering without telling anyone. Highly recommended.”
Step Three: Burn Bridges
This advice points to cutting off pathways leading back to people or circumstances that aren’t in the best interest of the path you’re on for the next five years.
That doesn’t mean being hostile and purposely hurtful to people as you move on. Instead, it’s about being honest with them about how your relationship (platonic, romantic, or professional) no longer fits with where you’re going.
Good news for introverts and shy people: this means you can reduce how much networking you participate in! Limit this to events and spaces that are strongly aligned with your prioritized goal and have a tangible outcome when you attend (e.g. building an email list for your political organizing newsletter).
Black women deal with loneliness on levels higher than any other group, and wanting to find and belong to a tribe can lead to overextending themselves in social situations. Ironically, this perpetuates feelings of isolation and can quickly result in burnout.
With the proper self-assessment tools, more (Black) women can see themselves making fewer pit stops and entering fewer dead ends on the road to fulfilling lives.
