Being "Demure" in Paris Didn't Stop the Racists

I was called “aggressive” by a white hotel manager in front of several white hotel guests during a recent trip to Paris. 

It felt like being an egg in a Hulk grip. Despite how strong I thought I was or how right I knew I was in this situation, I still broke down and cried.

I'm going to share the story in a moment. But first, some (historical) context.

Recently, I watched a YouTuber talk about how tropes reduce Black people’s humanity. How representations of us on TV, social media, and music invite people to throw critical thinking skills out the window, becoming too lazy to try to understand the person in front of them.

This is how a white person gets away with demanding a refund, rightfully or not, using any tone of voice they choose. The lazy assumption is that the white person is demanding a standard of service he or she deserves without question.

This is also how a Black woman, requesting a refund under justifiable circumstances, is immediately shut down or disregarded. And if she dares to push back, she most likely would be called “aggressive” for it.

I checked into a Paris hotel initially thinking I was going to stay two nights. I booked the hotel’s “superior room”, a pretty decent space overlooking a courtyard but not with the greatest view of the city.  In any case, the room worked for me and once I saw it met my minimum standards,  I decided to extend my stay. 

I went to Expedia.com to extend and saw that the superior room option (i.e. the current room I’m in) was no longer available. The two options left were a triple-family room (which I knew I definitely wouldn’t need or want to pay for) and what was called a “premium room”. Being left with no other choice, I created a second reservation for an additional 2 nights in the premium room.

I’d find out later that the premium room was a higher-priced booking with more amenities than the room I was currently in. But at the time of booking, I didn't realize this because “superior room” wasn’t available to review or choose for my extension. 

The night before I should have been moved from my current (superior) room to the new (premium) room, the hotel staff sent me an email. It’s in the screenshot below, one sentence long.

To my detriment, I assumed they asked this question only because the new room I booked was a downgrade from the room I was currently in. “Premium” vs. “Superior”—which would you assume was better?

Don't answer that question. The customer should never be in a position to have to answer that question. It’s the duty and responsibility of the merchant to explain what it is the customer purchased to help them make an informed choice about decisions related to said purchase.

Also, this has happened to me before. A while back, I extended my stay at a hotel and unknowingly re-booked a higher-priced room than the one I originally stayed in. 

“It’s okay, ma’am,” the hotel receptionist had said. “We’ve already moved your luggage to the new, upgraded room.”

Unlike the story I'll tell you soon, the hotel in this past event saw I booked a better, higher-priced room and simply moved me into the better, higher-priced room. No email. No questions asked.

Nothing in the email Hotel Rose Bourbon sent to me (see screenshot above) hinted that I had paid for a higher-priced room and that it would be in my interest to switch rooms or get a refund for the difference if I remained where I was.

This is where the microaggressions began.

The next day, after logging into Expedia to consider whether I should stay in Paris longer, I realized I made the same mistake I've made in the past. Surely it was a mistake the hotel staff could clear up once I spoke to them…

I went downstairs and the receptionist was speaking to a lovely Polish woman, who kindly invited me to go ahead of her to sort my situation out. I relayed my problem to the receptionist like this:

“Hi, is it true that the superior room costs less than the premium room at this hotel?”

“Yes.”  The receptionist smiles at me.

“Okay then, it seems I made a mistake. My second booking for this hotel has me in a premium room, however I'm still in the superior room. Do you mind moving me to the premium room or refunding me for the difference between the two?  I'm happy to stay in my current room as long as I get a refund if that’s less of a hassle.”

“Sorry ma'am, you said you wanted to stay in the same room via email last night.”

“Sir, I hope you understand that if I had known I was booking a higher-priced room, I would have definitely asked to be moved to the new room.” 

At this point, the Polish woman next to me is nodding ferociously. “Yes I agree, you definitely should move her to the new room or give her a refund. That's what I would have asked for if I were her.”

For the next 10 minutes, the receptionist’s eyes ping-ponged between me and the Polish women who parrot each other, politely asking for a refund for the difference or assistance with moving me to the premium room. And the receptionist repeats “But you said you wanted to stay in the same room” multiple times…

We can see on his face that he needed time to process what we assumed was a valid, basic request, so the Polish woman and I started socializing while he sorted his thoughts. I was surprised to discover that she's been living in Wisconsin for over 20 years. Eventually, she asked me, “What do you do for work?”

“I'm a journalist.”

“Whoa, you all better make sure she gets her refund,” she exclaims with a hysterical laugh. “You’ll definitely see something published about you if you don't.”

Finally, the receptionist admitted he didn’t have the authority to issue the refund and that I should come back in another 30 minutes to speak directly to the hotel manager. I respond, “Fine,” and I go about running my errands until then.

Thirty minutes later, I'm standing in front of the hotel manager who smiles at me and appears jovial. Little did I know…

I smile back and repeat almost word for word what I said to the receptionist, in a tone that was neutral at worst, sleepy at best. I had been sick the entire weekend and mustered as much energy as possible to resolve the issue and go back to bed.

“Yes, I see someone sent you an email yesterday asking…”

My blood is boiling at this point but at a simmer. Although I assume she’s trying to do her due diligence, I wondered why that email (screenshot above) was being brought up again when the solution was simple: move me into the new room I paid for or issue a refund for the difference. 

Fair and straightforward.

I calmly pointed out what I said to the receptionist previously (which the nice Polish woman agreed with): had I realized I paid for a higher-priced room I never would have stayed in my current room without requesting a refund for the difference.

“Well it's in the email, you've already agreed to stay in the room that you're in. So there's nothing we can do for you.”

Thus began a one-and-a-half-hour standoff, with me at the front desk on speaker phone with Expedia while questioning hotel staff back and forth:

Why would you ask me if I want to stay in the same room if I’ve clearly paid for a higher-priced room?

 Who’s staying in the room that I paid for in my extended reservation?

 Why can't I simply be moved to the new, premium room, if a refund isn’t possible?

Sad to say that Expedia initially refused to advocate on my behalf, claiming that the hotel reserved the right to refuse me a new room or a refund simply because the hotel said so. 

I wasn’t accepting that response. Never.

Because I refused Expedia’s decision, and because I insisted that were the shoe on the other foot I would be kicked out of the hotel for paying less for a room than I should, Expedia kept the line open. 

I turned again to the hotel receptionist, who acted like I was a three-headed gorgon, avoiding eye contact at all costs. 

“Can I simply be moved to the premium room? Who is staying in the room that I paid for?”

I wish I was kidding, but his response was this: 

“We're fully booked right now. The premium room you booked is occupied.”

“You put guests in a room that I paid for?”

“The group in there now booked a three-family room, but we decided to move them into this premium room when you said you'd stay in your same room.”

Translation: guests who booked the highest-priced room in the hotel were downgraded and moved into MY premium room, which I PAID FOR.

Logically, I was irate. But fast-forward to the end of this story, and you'll hear the hotel manager call me “aggressive”.

Thirty minutes later, for whatever reason, possibly due to the embarrassment of this happening in front of five other hotel guests, the manager whispers her decision to Expedia and hangs up her phone. I’m standing in front of her the entire time while we’re on this three-way call, but she never addresses me directly.

Expedia eventually told me the hotel manager agreed to refund the difference between the two rooms and that Expedia would add $50 to it for the inconvenience.

Exasperated, shocked, but pleased, I say “Thank you, that’s all I needed.”

“Don't thank them! You should be thanking me! You should be saying thank you to me!” The hotel manager continued to shout at me as I was finishing up the call.

I hang up as soon as Expedia verifies that they will send me an email confirming the final decision.  Then I turned towards the hotel manager. “This is all I wanted and this could have been resolved over an hour ago.”

“Well honestly you're extremely aggressive, and I don't appreciate or like your attitude.” That’s her only response.

If you’re a non-Black person reading this and ever asked yourself why does everything have to be about race, I hope you’ve asked that question for the last time.

I’ll never know what walking this Earth with pale skin and European features would offer me. Maybe somewhere in the multiverse, this scenario plays out the same way even if I had blonde hair and blue eyes. Who knows.

However, I know on a personal and statistical level what walking this Earth with darker skin offers. According to the European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights, people of African/Black descent who are young and/or college-educated “are most affected” by racial discrimination. Code-switching or presenting oneself as demure doesn’t save a Black woman from being called aggressive. 

This is based on research done by the preeminent governing body of a predominately white continent.

I often joke about hiring the PR team in charge of Paris’ publicity campaign. The romanticism of the city, its language, and its culture convinced me to start learning French at 12 years old. My goal was to escape what felt like the most oppressive environment for a Black woman (i.e. America) and find true happiness living in the heart of Paris, one day.

Thank you, Hotel Rose Bourbon, for popping that dream balloon for good.